Meet the Parents

Nope nope nope. I’m not meeting his dad, family are off limits, it’s much too early in the relationship to ask such things.

I got the, “But my dad is really great, you’ll love him.”

He got the, “This isn’t fair, you haven’t met my family yet, why do I have to meet yours?”

Yes, I am dramatic and immature and make a weak argument. Why he’s still with me, we’ll never know.

Long story short, he won and my pettiness was shown up.

He proudly introduced me to his dad, and I pathetically laughed at nothing funny and otherwise sat mute. Of the four times I spoke to him, two times I shouldn’t have opened my mouth. The first incident was worse than the second.

After boyfriend left to make us tea, it was just me and boyfriend’s dad. Boyfriend’s brother walked past and I said, “Hey, come sit with us.” His reply was, “I’m just going to put a shirt on.” I responded with, “No! You look great without a shirt, come sit.” All the while, boyfriend’s dad was watching.

The second, albeit not as bad, was finally building up the courage to make conversation with the dad by asking him if he enjoys living in the country that he has been living in for the last ten years. When he said yes, I replied with the most surprised, “Really?” He’s ever heard.

Now you’ll understand why I really didn’t want to meet the parents; not because I was worried that they wouldn’t be nice, but because I knew that I would be a complete disaster.

Good luck to his mom who gets to meet me next week.

Blind Date Genius

Yesterday I came home to the bathroom screaming Taylor Swift’s new lyrics, my housemate frantically applying mascara, and then more mascara, and then a little more after that. “Does this shirt look good, or should I change it?” she asks me and I start telling her about my day, the funny stories the kiddies wrote for me with their actions, and my friend and I sitting on a roof sipping hot coffee.

If she is distracted she won’t stress so much about the blind date that I set up for her. For a moment she is listening to my rambles, but eventually I have to bust her tranquil forgetfulness with reality. It’s time to leave, and I would rather she isn’t too late for my friend who would so patiently wait for her should she be.

The delay tactics she plays are good, but another housemate helps me in ushering her to her car. Now it’s just fingers crossed that she will drive to the meeting place, walk into the meeting place and talk in friendly tones to the meeting face.

I got a message from her telling me that she had just parked, and then it was her turn to fly, “fly little bird!” Can I tell you the helplessness you feel being on the wrong side of the blind date. I mean, my boyfriend wouldn’t appreciate me being set up on one of those, so I guess it’s a good thing I was on the wrong side.

I sat on the couch, waiting to hear the gate bumping open. I was joined for a bit by my housemate who eventually lost interest and went to get ready for bed. My boyfriend also kept me company for a while, bringing me tea and playing ‘Friends’ in the background of my anxious wait.

JC with the feline, while cooler people are out on dates

Minutes turned to hours turned to days…

Kidding. She finally walked through the door, “be cool, Jordy. Be cool.” I held my tongue, but couldn’t hold my giant smile that scared her as she came in. “All I’m going to say is that you chose well,” she said as she ran upstairs to pajama herself.

You guys, I crushed it. Maybe they won’t go out again, maybe there will be one or two more coffee dates, maybe something more, but there was a date with lots of talking, laughing and stories because two people were brave enough to trust their friend.

I didn’t even go on the date but in the end I think I felt the happiest out of everyone involved.

How to fix the flu

After date and Durban shenanigans, I went down to the depths of disease.

During my turbulent two weeks, male came to visit. He offered to make me tea and proceeded to stand in the kitchen cluelessly searching for mugs and milk and tea bags.

I don’t know how he got past my duck slippers and croaky croaky voice, but he called me the next day and declared that homemade soup would for sure take away my coughing, sneezing situation and fix me right up.

My favourite, sexy ducks

It didn’t. But with a lot of stress and worry on his side, he made the soup, asking me if it looked right. (Again, my cooking skills are none- existent so he was totally asking the wrong critic). It was delicious, not lying.

After which he threw blankets on me and tea at me and asked several times if I was really warm enough. When my reply to, “what do you feel like watching?” Was Jurassic Park, he looked pretty confused and after clarifying like five times, he began to look pretty stoked. There were also wine gums that he brought out halfway through the dinosaur- chasing- a- human scene.

Hopefully my next post will have more substance to it. I’m trying to go in order from where I stopped writing, up to now. Unfortunately budding relationships take up a lot of headspace, and I need to remember that I’m the only one who cares about my own one. Sorry guys, when I stop seeing stars, I’ll go back to my old, usual stories.

“You hung up on the Pizza Place? I don’t hang up on your friends”

Fun fact about Jordy: she hates cooking

Every Monday night, our digs has house dinner. Sometimes I call it family dinner for lols. We rotate and each get a turn to cook for the house. For me, it’s the one night that I actually eat a real meal… except when I’m the one who is cooking.

Picture a kitchen with a flustered cook, toppings all over the counter, weak arms that can’t effectively roll out dough, flour all over her everything. That’s me.

Stress ball with the sudden realization that she hasn’t bought enough ingredients to satisfy the rumbling tummies around her. Starving eyes keep looking in her direction, even though their mouths are telling her to calm down, it’s going to be fine.

Eventually we’re sitting around three small crunchy pizzas, the kitchen to the right of us looks like a giant sneezed flour all over it. I am not happy with the outcome of my labour.

One housemate is not happy about something else.

Second fun fact about Jordy: I am not good with confrontation. I usually do the healthy thing and bury my feelings and issues way below the surface so that no one knows what I’m unhappy about.

Other housemates don’t do such things, and sometimes let their irritation at another show. From that you get a tense dinner, where everyone is staring at their laps, trying to chew their food as quietly as possible, except… Oh no wait! Jordy cooked, so each slow mouthful of crunchy pizza is more like rocks falling off a mountain.

Yeah… just in case you thought that communal living is all fun and games, you were wrong. We have our moments of true colour showing; like a girl who burns, under- caters, and delivers late food; and housemates who pick their moments to annoy and be annoyed at each other.

Inspired by previous pizza nights… Last night’s pizzas weren’t even worthy of being photographed

“Your Love Life’s DOA”

After church on Sunday night, my housemates and I love to have tea on the couches and rehash the week that has just gone by. This Sunday was no different… Well apart from the left over carrot cake from our Saturday tea party that we got to enjoy for a second day.

My Honorary housemate was extremely angry over the fact that an old flame of mine had chosen to sit in our row of seats, right next to her in church, with his new girlfriend. She ranted over his audacity, when there were hundreds of empty seats all over the building. Her outrage was entertaining and we joined in with her when we weren’t laughing at her.

As it often happens, male housemate (he’s home!) turned the tone of the talk into a life lesson, analyzing were I went wrong, who I had let into my life, and warning all of us to not make my mistakes. He wasn’t saying that I was the culprit in the failed attempt of a relationship, but even I know that I could have done some things better. The main problem area being that I was so worried about looking like your typical needy, clingy stereotype of a female that I didn’t speak up when I wanted to ask a question.

After dates and hangouts and kisses and hand holding and months of togetherness, I was still too scared to ask if “this was going anywhere.” I feared that asking such questions would lead him to see me as some pushy, desperate thing that I never wanted to be. So I let whatever kind of relationship we were in continue until it came to its inevitable death.

Male housemate used this as a lesson to his three single housemates, “If you don’t feel safe enough to ask the important questions at the right time, then should you be in that relationship?” Amen brother, I back you on that point.

Guys, if you’re happy to be up front about your intentions from the semi- beginning of the relationship, that would make our jobs so much easier. If not, however, then at least take our concerns and questions seriously and not turn us into some sort of whiny girl that we’re not. Girls, obviously don’t ask a guy when he intends to “make it official” on date one, but also don’t let him string you along for months. Ask the questions, get the lowdown on his thoughts. If you don’t like his thoughts, get out; and if you don’t feel like you would be taken seriously, ask the questions anyway. Either your perception of how he will take the questions is warped and you just need to get over yourself, or he doesn’t make you feel safe enough to ask. Of both these potential reasons, the action should still be the same, because you either end up in a relationship that actually has meaning, or you get out of a relationship that will hurt you even more in the future.

I know that this is a rant and a half of relationship advice from someone with less wisdom than her dog, but hey, if you don’t receive my thought process well, then are we really meant to be?

Married housemate said that next time, she would give me three months, and if my questions have not been answered by then, she would intervene. In the words of Barney Stinson, “Challenge accepted.”

The One with the Candy Hearts

Dear Breakers of Hearts,

Here’s one thing you should know before you set your eyes on another:

Girls’ hearts are unfortunately rather delicate. You message them and sometimes they see it as interest. You want to hangout, just the two of you, and she might begin looking forward to more one- on- one hangouts. You ask her to be your girlfriend and, shocker, she may get a little excited about future plans with you.

I know, she crazy, right?

Here’s a wild idea; instead of having to endure such madness, why not spend more time with the boys? Why not resist the urge to slide into a DM? Maybe group hangouts are a better idea?

If you’re going to be surprised every time a girl wraps her heart around near future plans, and even sometimes far future plans, with you maybe don’t lead a girl on, maybe just let her be happy in her lovely singleness, or at least wait until you’re not rookie enough, and are ready to messily wrap your heart around those future plans too.

Mending broken hearts is a little harder than mending torn jeans, I mean, have you tried sticking a needle into a heart? Just kidding, you’ve already done that, but without the thread or the intention of fixing anything.

Okay, I know that was harsh, but after watching another friend hurt over a guy who still wasn’t ready to even hint at making any plans more than, “what are we doing this weekend?” after dating her for years, I might be a little bitter. I said might be.

And calm down, I’m not saying give up on the dream of having someone to love, and love you back. I’m also not saying that you mustn’t date anyone until you’re certain you’ll marry her, we’ve got to be able to leave a relationship when we know it’s not right.

All I’m saying is that, maybe just come to terms with this crazy fact that girls can sometimes get a little more invested than you, that they think about things in advance – I mean, they think that you’re so great that they actually want to plan hanging out with you again and again- and they might put their hearts on the line a little faster than you might.

Fortunately for you, girls hearts are rather delicate, and extremely strong. They can hurt for other broken hearts, and they can fight for yours if you’re willing to fight for hers. Don’t stupidly make the same mistake again, she will have a posse of angry females willing to break more than your heart if you do.

Sincerely,

The girl who was more upset over her friends’ broken hearts, than her own